7
May

Share Happiness

 

On this wonderful past Saturday, I had random thoughts while relaxing this morning of an assortment of things related to life, work and tragedy. Despite all our challenges, there is such sorrow in the world… within my client’s….within my city…within my friends … within my children … within myself at times.

There was a recent crime a last year that is haunting that ended in the death of 3 people in the town I serve. One was a complete innocent mother who had been taken hostage and killed during a very battled and prolonged police chase. Where I live, all know death is a reality and occurs daily.

Sometimes I remember and reflect upon when I “died” in 2006 – nearly 9 years ago… part of me is still there…

I went to my computer and found a perfectly written article/blog by “Maureen Werrbach, MA, LPC” that spoke to me… in that many of my thoughts were there on my computer screen that I had just thought of in front of me to read – It was a reflection … it was fate.

Many of these thoughts – even attitudes, I have known of and tried/try to impart upon my clients within my work and own daily life.

I know being “Happy” is not a destination – its a process and a foundation to everything I believe is needed to internal success, acceptance and love within life. Love within life …

The article I read is as follows:

“Love is what connects us to others. It provides us with fond memories of those around us. The truth about love, though, is that it often links our own happiness with the happiness of others. We feel compelled to make those we love who are unhappy, happy.

It is because of our own discomfort in seeing those we love unhappy that we seek out ways to change the situation, justifying our behaviors on the idea that we are helping them. Or, we begin to see our own happiness fade in the presence of an unhappy friend or family member.

Suffering is a necessary part of life and important for growth. This concept is hard to imagine, as it goes against what we’ve learned. Our instinct is to immediately fix or run from suffering, as if it were a fire. And so it makes sense that we see the unhappiness in those we love as a sort of fire that needs to be extinguished.

But what research has found is that not only is it harmful to feel responsible for others’ emotions, but there is also a simple and profound solution. Be happy.

Brain and Behavior Research Foundation

Research consistently suggests that the key to helping those we love who are unhappy is to be happy ourselves. You may be thinking, how can I possibly strive for my own happiness when someone else is not? It seems selfish. It’s not.

We are influential beings. Just as we can be brought down by another’s negative mood, our own happiness can serve as a platform for others to take care of their own happiness.

So what can we do if someone we love is unhappy?

  • Be patient and give them space. Allow them time to process their thoughts and figure out what needs to be done. Don’t push or expect change at your pace.
  • Give yourself space. It is not selfish to need some distance when you feel the impact of their unhappiness.
  • Set boundaries. Their unhappiness is not yours to own. It is theirs. Be careful not to enmesh your own emotions with theirs. It’s a dangerous road to dependency when you link your feelings and emotions with others.
  • Be happy. Show your loved one what it looks like to be happy. It’s contagious. When we show the best version of ourselves, it inspires others to do the same.

We all face struggles. It is not when others take responsibility for our health and well-being that we thrive. Rather, we get to a better place emotionally when we take responsibility for our wellness.

I ask … share your happiness with those you love and even those you may not. You own your happiness to love your life!

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7
December

The Beauty is in the Tragedy…

As a reminder — This blog was initiated as a personal reflection of my own experiences, unique trauma and journey in an effort toward HELPING others!

I  wrote nearly every month for a year!

I briefly opened the door and wrote regarding the arena of trauma/disability – and will continue to do so!

I wrote about some of my experiences and stumbles… and growth – and will continue to do so!

I wrote about a very common, yet deadly disease called “Asthma”.

I wrote about putting the meaning of “care” back into the word care – and will continue to do so!

I wrote about healing and more – and will continue to do so!

I wrote about reflections of the past – I have much more to write regarding the future!

I wrote about my Father’s passing…. then my writing stopped! My world stopped. I found myself at the bottom of a valley with yet, another mountain to climb.

The coffin of despair I laid within for too long during my trauma was, but a distant memory to my Father’s death. I learned of a whole new different breed of grief – a completely different rocky mountain to climb with various slopes and hills, yet again, a different path of healing to travel toward and move forward to. I’ve learned quite a bit about the differences  – the labels we place upon our emotions as we endure during such difficult times such as; bereavement, mourning, sadness, grief, depression, etc.. Are they not all the same? No – these words do have different meanings from my experiences and each may tell what stage or phase a person may be in and how best to support that person or family.

Despite our ancient and natural God given emotion to feel “sad” – I look at it as if it were on a spectrum…how far is to far to feel a particular way or behave in a particular manner under tragic circumstances? I believe we all know within ourselves at times and at times we can also get lost….very lost  However, our closest loved one’s can generally see specific changes in our thoughts, feelings and behaviors as key indicators.

I believe we all have our own inner strength that is some-times never tested until such difficult and tragic times. What to do is my question when faced in such a situation? My mantra is — To never give up hope!

I also have created another over the years that is firmly grounded from another emotion – (possibly irritation, anger, determination, and sometimes internal rage) which is…. ” This is Not it”!

I was told “This is is it Mr. Green” by more doctors and specialists that I can count – meaning how I was perceived post my Trauma with their thoughts positioned I was going to potentially remain in a dependent and  hopeless manner. There was no one like me – I was the unknown!  I had died and come back from the angles above and the prayers from below, with unforeseen consequences to the assault upon my body! Despite the prognosis – I choose life.

Despite the tragedy’s that come my way now – I choose to never give up – I choose that “this is Not it”!

Through my tragedy – I now have life! I see life and experience life differently than the 43 years I blindly lived before my trauma. I had been through alot (as we all have) prior to my “event”, but what I have come away with is a new lens… I found triumph – a beauty in my tragedy!

I now know that any life or death experience, can either make you stronger or wallow in despair. The choice each individual makes in that situation says a lot of who they are, but more importantly, who they will become.

I know I have “come back” from an ordeal…a journey that few can only imagine! I persevered when the medical field gave up on me and stated, “This was it!”– That there was little chance for further improvement….. for so long – even today!

As I have adapted over time, so have my family, friends and loved ones! I believe people no longer see what I may not be able to do – I can only hope they see what I can do and how far I’ve come! I continue to go beyond boundaries.

My innermost passion is raising my children; and also helping other survivor’s in need of court ordered or mental health services. I still maintain a social service business and license to practice therapy for those in need.

I have written a detailed book regarding Trauma and the ability to mindfully and positively over-come… no matter what the circumstances. This could never have been done without my own Trauma experience of course. I could never have served the many disabled and “survivor’s” that I have without this tragedy and offer some beauty and triumphs to their lives.

This book may offer valuable insights to others facing similar situations. I hope to use this book as a tool to reach out to more, see more and touch more people who have had there soul touched by trauma.

Please e-mail me @ BrettGreenLMFT@comcast.net if you would care to purchase a signed copy prior to my book going to publication/retail with your address.  My Current Purchase Price for the first 200 books is $12.99.

If you have read this book – please be so kind to offer a review on my blog and/or amazon to assist interest toward helping others.

Thank you!

 

 

 

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