I’m Still Here

Its amazing to sit and look at ones life…reflect at and on the past, present and future.

The past is a bell that has rung. Never forgotten and reminded often – but, over!

The present is filled with your own “power and control”. What will you do with the here and now? What will you do with… you?

To answer that, I believe you must first know who you are?

The future comes much to swiftly in a path that many have mindfully created nor prepared for.

For many, the present is an obstacle that grounds the past firmly and daily in place for which blinds your own tomorrow…. your own future.

I know that to be true. Today is the day…I died. So many twists , turns, broken bones and losses in the last 8 years that my life has un-imaginably changed. It is almost impossible to capture and unbearable to write about. I remember so vividly thinking some years back at the initiation of my ordeal and height of my determination to thrust myself back to who I was … and the belief that  “I’m going to walk soon”.

After so many years now, I find to much safety within the confine of my wheel chair. What that painfully and mindful reluctance to that piece of metal has become, is an actual extension of my body – of me. I find the desire … the safety to walk has dulled after the years of falls, disappointments, stressors and regression of symptoms and trials.

However, it doesn’t mean I have disappeared, It simply means I’ve adjusted to being 4 feet 9′ instead of my usual 6 feet 1′ in height for a little longer. As I said,  the present is filled with your own “power and control”. What  you do with the here and now is up to each of us. What will I do with me? Continue to be me… to strive and get up each day and raise my last child through high school the best I can. I will be up by 6am and out of my home with full medications to reduce tremors by 8am daily to begin a 2 hour regiment of rehab which includes stretching, treadmill, weights, walking and swimming. I generally work within my field 5-10 hours each day fitting time to ensure all of my children’s needs are met.

My free days are weekends and organized. There are no spur of the moment shin digs as my life revolves around my children, medications and rehabilitation. This has incredibly impacted every aspect of “life”, yet… I’m still here.

It amazes me that there was a memorial held for me while I was in deaths arms. So many family and friends turned out for a celebration of my life that was captured on video I was later able to see all the people … the fun … the picture of my children and I being held up for all to see. An amazing amount of money  was raised for me… my children that day.

Since then, I have maintained…. or I should say, one friend has maintained contact with me. I have adapted and changed in many ways but, not “me”. I’m still here!!

Let us not forget those who have undergone injury or disability. You may think your friend is still there… how do you know? Please make a phone call or go … offer friendship, compassion and love to one who is … still there!

I write this in hopes that all who read who knows of one who may be alone, injured, disabled – I ask YOU to go or call and offer kind words of hope. It’s like that bell analogy – they are never forgotten.

Smiles and happiness always 🙂