29
June

250 Thousand Reasons to Help

This was an idea to help a small community agency raise awareness and help individuals, couples, and families in crisis.To vote one must go to –

Go small business! I just helped “Brett Green & Associates’
get closer to a $250,000 Grant.
– On FB or net at www.missionsmallbusiness.com– click on and type in — BRETT GREEN & ASSOCIATES–

to vote and help allow a community agency to put the word CARE back into care!
Chase and LivingSocial are awarding $250,000 Grants to worthy small business to help the community.
FYI … READ MY INFORMATION ON APPLICATION — “Brett Green & Associates”
OR — Vote for your favorite small business at www.missionsmallbusiness.com…
NOTE*****
As of July 1, 2012 – only a few were selected to move forward – I was not.
 
THANK YOU for the support – but, all voting is closed now in my case but, look on this site and vote for who YOU think may be wothy to help “put the word “care” back in care!” We need some-one to!
Thank you!
Brett Green 🙂

195 comments

7
June

A Retrospect …. “Early Reflections”

This blog was initiated months ago due to my belief I needed to share my Journey and “Hope” – from one trauma survivor to another –  To also help capture his/her purpose and trials through that thorny road of survival, grief, healing, tribulations and ultimately to … “seize the day”!

I’ve tried to write something reflective and of purpose each month related to my experience(s) and toward advocating for others who may need support or information. I believe it is important for others to know that other’s are out here…challenged, yet “moving forward”.

Please know that after a trauma – there is a life to be fully lived and enjoyed… no matter what the circumstance!

I am coming to the anniversary date of my trauma – tomorrow! It is not a day to be celebrated, but relived….again! Every year I have dreaded internally this date and have allowed my mind to drift back over the following months and connect the memories of a time spent within a hospital fighting for my life.

Although looking from the front windshield of life is fantastic – that rear view mirror that will often show the past is a sneaky process to rid at times.

I felt a need to post this today versus tomorrow … as tomorrow my life will have a different meaning for me. I truly look forward to “what’s next?

This reflection… this poem… was written one year post my trauma in 2007 and has unimaginable blood, sweat and tears and tremendous meaning to me. However, it ultimately allowed me to mindfully and visually create a “New Story” for me to look forward to…. the “Big Picture” – My (next) Life!  I have never stopped moving forward …  up hill. Is there a choice?

What I hope one may draw from this is hope! For survivors … always remember you survived! I hope you may find some peace in that… and there will always be a new day, a new month, a new year,  new change and a new story is always possible for you … to be written by you.

I’m coming to 6 years post my recovery now.  I am nothing like described within this poem – Faith, Growth, Healing & Rehabilitation are amazing gifts!

Tomorrow – I think I will take a few extra deep breathes of air in and ponder the mountain so far climbed… as remembrance of my life. Life is so under-rated!

What will you do with your life today, tomorrow, next week? What is your Big Picture ?

Enjoy the treasure of your life as you read my reflection toward your recovery…

 

Originally Written 6/8/07 –

Were the stars aligned differently … was there a shadow cast upon the moon?

Or was it the coming of my own sense and internal impending doom?

Although my breathing had become increasingly labored, I maintained minimal fear.

For I had confidently learned to control my asthma for nearly 43 years!

However, I called upon my brother for my own family insurance; and then went to the hospital where I received immediate and critical care.

However, the longer I remained there – the more questions were posed – the more fears arose – as I became acutely aware.

At the hospital, everyone appeared hurried … they all rushed around me … seemingly distracted and non committal.

I felt that I was the only one who knew that I was indeed deathly ill!

As time elapsed and things went from bad to worse and from worse to even more worse… “As critical
as critical can get” said one doctor – My life became uncertain as to “will I live or will I die”?

For me … time had evolved into slow motion and my world became out of control as I kept asking, “Why me…why me…oh, why”?

Everything seemed to spiral downward and I distinctly remember hearing voices, fear, panic and someone saying, “This is not good … he’s not responding”!

Again, I thought to myself inside, “How could this be, I had just spent the past week golfing”!

However, for 18 days … me eyes remained closed!

I was medically sedated … my body did not twitch, move nor flex while positioned in a frightening and deathly pose.

Family, friends and loved ones all came to my bedside.

A constant and gentle aroma of love drifted in and out of my room and so many whispers, prayers, and pleas for me not to die!

Although hard to believe … somewhere … somehow … I heard them all and felt every tug, hug and kiss!

As I silently cried deeper than deep inside … and wished and wished and wished!

On June 26th, I briefly awoke … my eyes opened briefly and my nightmare turned confusingly real?

Again, I felt death … from my head to my toes … I could not move, speak or feel.

Was I alive … had I been in an accident …was I paralyzed … never to move again …never to hug my children …where was my faith?

What happened to me on June 8th?

Each night… empty and alone … I saw myself reflected from the lights and mirror’s from above as I lay strapped, connected, and harnessed between life saving tubes, fluids and machines.

All the while, with my cognitive thoughts and partial memory intact … I laid there thinking, this is not right, “I’m a Green”!

All the machines, treatment and myriad of nurses, therapists, doctors, nutritionists all striving to keep me alive!

Despite the mental, emotional, and physical consequences and questions that would arise should I survive?

Then it started … the uncontrollable body movements …earthquakes in my legs!

Indescribable, violent, uncontrollable, gut wrenching shakes, jerks, tremors and sweat that increased throughout my body each and every day.

They implied the answers to my condition lay within their medical degrees and books and then they said it may be the lasting side effects of the paralytics which seemed to create the ever so lasting and uncontrollable pain.

All I knew was that my mind, body and spirit were completely and utterly drained!

Each day I was engulfed in the clenches of a bed of despair… the grief that surrounded me … and my own internal fear.

I was beyond the point of heart ache … past my emotional and physical breaking point … even my eyes could no longer shed a tear.

My body was exhausted … I was spent and thought there was nothing left … I was ready to give in … I was ready to die … I wanted to die!

But I knew that I could not stop fighting for “life” hearing my children’s loving poems and letters read to me and then seeing their tear soaked bright and innocent eyes.

And, so I lived … I remained on life support machines and continued to receive critical care while staying cognitively in tune … and observing my families desperate looks and need for any “lively” signs from me and smiles or offers of hugs.

But, all the while my body and mind was being poisoned and overdosed with a cocktail of drugs.

I couldn’t speak … although I attempted to communicate by blinking letters, words and thoughts with my eye’s using an alphabet board.

Despite the endless efforts and kindness of my family and friends, it seemed that no one could understand me as I continued to pray to my lord!

I was helpless and hopeless … doctors asked and answered their own questions … what I wanted or whether I was in pain?

Their answers were always a contradiction to my own thoughts and feelings … I wanted to scream the opposite to them but, all in vain!

I asked at least 1000 times daily… “Why did this have to happen … what did I do to deserve this?

The answer never came as I continued to struggle and fight… second by second … minute by minute … day by day … month by month … just to exist!

For 51 days … I visited what I know is hell! There was horrendous treatment and daily nightmares that somehow became real … almost surreal.

But, through family perseverance and divine intervention, I was transferred to another hospital facility …. To hopefully get my mind, body, and spirit well.

I spent 46 long, hard days in, in-patient rehabilitation services … depressed, angry and confused not able to walk or really talk … and so desperate to see and be with my children.

But, my family, friends and the angels above were all there with me to help visualize … and see that in the end, my kid’s and I would be together again!

With nearly every goal unmet, I was discharged from rehabilitation services… which at the time I thought, “I wasn’t ready and this is unfair”!

For my coordination and balance was that of a 9 month old. I could not sit unaided, balance, walk or talk well … and was strapped to a darn wheel chair!

What happened to me on June 8th, 2006? Well, in short … I died!

But from the angels above and the prayers from below … I was brought back to life!

However, as a result I was ultimately diagnosed with Post-Anoxic Action Myoclonus … “Lance Adams Syndrome”!

I really didn’t care what they had called it before or they wanted to call it now … after all the months of medical speculation, guesses and treatment … all I  wanted was to go home!

Although my journey was far from over, I left to heal and progress upon my own familiar ground.

But what I experienced was an uninvited, tormenting and raging emotional breakdown.

From once being physically and mentally strong, athletic, confident, successful and proudly independent!

To the reality of becoming completely in every sense of the word … totally 24 /7 “dependent”!

Yet, I worked harder than hard and struggled every day for improvement while often pushing myself beyond my own limitations.

I desperately tried to regain lost weight … lost strength … to again become independent … and create new expectations!

Although I was told that I improved each and every day, I continued to experience emotional, physical and mental exhaustion as I struggled for the
need and care that I had to receive every day … in every way!

Everyday, I battled and felt alone!

Oh, the sweat … the tears … the falls … the bruises and so many broken bones.

After one year has past, my “real” in reality is that I am disabled. Maybe not forever, maybe so?

Although I still find myself looking back in life’s rear view mirror … I also know I have to let go!

No more asking … “what happened to me on June 8th”?

No more thinking was it god’s plan … my fault … a matter of circumstance or just plain fate?

As time has passed I think, “It is what it is” … and I must focus upon the “Now what”?

The answer came quickly for me and was quite simple…” To never, ever give up”!

I visualize without any doubt … that I will survive … I will move forward … I will live and talk and walk again!

Make no mistake about it … I am determined to get “my” life back in the end!!

So … after all is said and done and all the words have been spoken.

This is a new day, a new month, a new year, and I found a new man named “Brett” has awoken!!!

Brett (June 8, 2007)

 

Given to me in a card by my Hero – June 8,  2007

Although it’s only been 12 months, there are times it feels like years

So many challenges, everyday a struggle and yes, so many tears.

But you did it Brett, you remained strong

And certainly you’ve proven all the doctors wrong.

The fight you’ve had to wage has been daunting; every step along the way a first

 “I want my body back”; “I want my life back” became your very thirst.

To breathe, to move, to sit, to swallow and to be able to talk

And always in the back of your mind, “will I ever be able to walk?”

A wheelchair allowed you to sit, a tracheotomy to talk, and while therapists helped you to stand.

We all knew it was your courage, your determination and of course, you were in Gods hand!

There must have been times when you doubted, when the nights were too long

But with each dawn you were able to choose a new and promising song.

You not only survived Brett, you truly thrived, and although the fight is not finished yet

I know you will walk again and you will get your life back – my life on that I would bet.

With Love,

Your Mother

131 comments